Anatomy of an April Fool day prank....

The following is a mail I wrote for my friends yesterday at work...

Hi,

All of us would have experienced this wonderful day through some prank or the other at some point of time. But, if you take a step back, you would realize that there is an underlying pattern followed across all pranks. The DNA of this complex setup, once decoded, becomes the true backbone of the prank, and a complete development is critical to the success of the prank. This x-factor is what I intend to decode by means of this mail. I thought that this would be a good (er… perfect) opportunity to share it with you guys today.

So are you ready? Here goes…

1.       Chatter– there has to be sufficient noise to remove all possibilities of the victim to realize that he is being ambushed. This is usually done by diverting the attention of the victim to something which is irrelevant but substantial. Care should be taken to ensure that it is not too out of the ordinary and should fit into the thick of activities that would normally ensue on a normal day.
2.       Trap Laying – This is probably the most elaborate phase of the entire process and usually takes a wide range of time depending on the level of intricacy of the plot. It is usually directly proportional to the level of shock that is intended to hit the victim (Though many may argue that it is not always true – which is right considering Pareto’s 80-20 principle). This phase typically may take any amount of time ranging from a few minutes to  several hours or even days.
3.       The lure – As we move along the day, an interest should be created in the victim so as to create a level of involvement.  The intensity of involvement would usually be directly proportional to the vicinity between the victim and the prankster.
4.       The kill – This is where we hit the nail on the head. However, beware - the intensity may be  there, the enthu may be present, and the bakra would be in the middle of the proceedings –but  it may just fall victim to Murphy’s law – here the sum of the parts might be lesser than the parts themselves.

What you may have realized is that I am not telling anything new compared to what you may probably know by means of your experiences. You may also have realized that I did successfully get you guys to come out of your work and waste a few minutes by reading this useless mail, which tells nothing new. In reality, all you need to do is think of something and pull his/her leg… So much for April’s day pranks. (Hopefully Murphy’s law notwithstanding) This was one of them!  HA!

The Piggy Pandemic and the Pune Phoenix

If you haven't watched it already, I strongly recommend the movie "Zombieland" - a very interesting and unconventional attempt to make a movie set in a post apocalyptic USA where the only things roaming about the streets are zombies condemned to the depths of hell. The plot centers around protagonists who, by means of experience, have developed their own unique ways to survive, being the only sane people left alive. The concept is nothing new to Hollywood; it comes from an age old formula of film making which has spawned classics like "The Resident Evil" franchise, "I am Legend", "Dawn of the Dead", etc. 

But what makes this movie special is the enormous amount of visible  cerebral effort that has been invested in so as to come up with interesting instances about how the heroes coped with the situation  of survival in a city ravaged by the deadly virus. Alas, this effort estimate could have been easily halved if only the writers were in Pune during the time-frame between June 09 and August 09... when the flying pig took Pune hostage...when the Swine "Flew" over Pune.

It is funny how such adversities bring out the inner personalities of people which are hitherto unknown. Suddenly crowd dynamics becomes so prominent, you realize that crowd behaviour  is nowhere like behaviour of the individual people who form it.

Like all major events, the invasion occurred with no warning whatsoever. By June, news of the global outbreak was a constant feature in most of the websites, but hey, there was no reason to panic because of no mention of India in any of the reports. An occasional case reported in a corner of the country was nothing to be concerned about. One fine Sunday, during my customary weekend visit to the chat joint close to my apartment, I happened to notice one person in my apartment complex wearing a surgical mask and walking his dog in the complex. "Paranoid fool!" was my initial thought. And then I crossed the apartment gate and reached the road.

It was like I missed some memo distributed to all of Pune. I seemed to be the only one not wearing a mask on the entire road. Suddenly, I felt like a fool for not being paranoid. Should I be scared? Should I scurry back home? Unable to make up my mind, and deciding that prevention is better than cure, I rush to the closest medical store and my heart skipped a beat (many beats to be precise).

The term "Selling like hot cakes" seemed obsolete. I thought the right usage should be changed to "Selling like surgical masks"! The small medical store had over 20 people, each scared to touch any of the panels of the shop, covering their faces with folded kerchiefs, and placing bulk orders for masks on arrival (apparently the last shipment of masks did not last 5 mins after it was opened). All of this demand, in spite of the crowd knowing that surgical masks were as effective as no masks against the H1N1 virus. Everyone wanted to ensure that  precautions were taken (no matter how useless they are) and any future infection was to be blamed on fate.

The biggest beneficiaries of this pandemic were the pharmacists and doctors. Business suddenly was thriving like never before. Newspapers now had over 6 pages every day on Swine Flu, at least 2 of which were focused on Pune alone. The vicious cycle of paranoia had started feeding on itself and growing. Pune was officially declared the eye of the storm.

Pune suddenly started looking like a city of surgeons on a break between multiple operations. You hardly saw a person without a mask. Some people considered the mask to be a fashion statement - they let it dangle across their necks like how the fashion conscious folks wear the goggles on their heads rather than their eyes (flaunting the stupid hey-i-am-so-cool-i-do-not-wanna-wear-it-but-i-am-wearing-it-look). The folks started wearing the masks to work as well. Any untoward incident (like a sneeze/cough) was considered taboo, and the proponent of the incident was immediately asked to visit the office doc.

From the city perspective, Pune underwent a drastic transformation. The roads were completely empty - probably for the first time since the Ramayana and Mahabharata era of Doordarshan. Tickets for the latest blockbuster were available, no matter how popular the movie was. Airports were also relatively deserted, considering the various companies providing advisories against travel to Pune. While we read about latest technical innovations used by international airports to screen people who were running temperatures, Pune airport had implemented a voluntary paper based questionnaire to be filled up by the passengers so that any case of the flu can be treated immediately. It was useless, but seemed effective as there were hardly any cases of the passengers owning up to having carried the flu into Pune.

Probably the only zones which were crowded (apart from the medical stores for the masks) were the swine flu testing centers. Paranoid masses went there by the hundreds at the onset of even common cold, unaware that they had a higher chance of getting infected in the queue there rather than their symptoms actually being a positive case.

As a person, all of this emanated a suffocating feeling and I was left feeling claustrophobic. I could not take 3 weeks of this madness - this insanity; I had to break the shackles. Having decided to make a weekend trip to Mumbai on a non-AC bus (to prevent the possibility of inhaling the exhaled air from an infected co-passenger - Yes, I was that paranoid by then), I padded myself like I was going to war - 2 masks over a handkerchief, a bottle of hand sanitizer and an extra mask. I did not plan to remove them till I reached my destination. 

On reaching the outskirts of Mumbai, one whiff of fresh air (even through the 2 masks and a kerchief), and I felt I had returned to civilization. It felt good to see people walking on the streets like any other normal day. The attention I received on the roads of Mumbai (because of my mask) was staggering. I would have been the recipient of atleast 2000 stares during my short stroll of about 300 m. I felt like a celebrity who has braved the odds and survived.

When I came back to Pune the next Monday, I was shocked again. The paranoia seemed to have disappeared just as suddenly as it had appeared. On enquiring with my friends, I found out that during that particular weekend, Pune was completely closed. What still baffles me is the extent of transformation one weekend can cause.  It seemed Pune had handled the issue in the manner the same way we would if our computer crashes - shut it down and restart it!

The media too had reduced the attention on the pandemic, and the normalcy seemed to have returned to the streets. The city, it seemed, became the Phoenix - it rose again after being completely down and out. Today swine flu still may be prevalent in the country, but it had received more than its share of footage and attention. People realize that you are more likely to die of an accident on the road rather than the swine flu. I realized that all of that paranoia may not have been necessary and small doses of common sense would have gone a long way in alleviating "that sinking feeling". It seems true what they say about common sense: It aint as common as it sounds!

Understanding The Pune Persona

How is a city like a human being? Like any human, every city has a "Persona" - a complex manifestation encapsulating all the attributes characterizing it. While mental and emotional attributes take more prevalence in the persona of a human, I believe it is the behavioural attributes (of its people) which are instrumental in defining the persona of any city.

Knowing a person over a period of time allows you to understand him/her better; the case is no different for cities. Pune as a city has now been my home for about 20 months now, and I am slowly beginning to understand it. This can be best explained through my experience with regard to Pune's public transport and traffic.

At the outset, if I were to choose one word to associate with Pune, it was "Chaos"... The roads were teeming with people on vehicles who (seemingly) did not understand the use of traffic signals and considered them as showpieces on the road. Vehicles were zipping across in oblique angles which cannot be measured using traditional protractors.

My thoughts were further corroborated when I was once a pillion rider on the way home from work. We were on the left most lane and were well within the speed limits. Suddenly, we had another bike zip past us without so much as a horn or a warning. This was an overtake on our left side.... and from the opposite direction. It was on that day that I decided never to bring my bike to Pune. "You need a separate mindset to be able to be part of this kind of traffic", I thought.

The public transport also seemed so difficult to utilize, and you keep getting reminded of this fact by means of small anecdotal nuggets; one recurring example is about the autorickshaws charging a bomb and rarely going by the meter (which they also consider as showpieces). I once had to spend Rs 580 on a single rickshaw ride just because my source and destination belonged to 2 different municipal corporations!

"You need a separate mindset to be able to be part of this kind of traffic" - and I suddenly felt I have figured it out. All I had to do was to look at it through a different lens. The specific aspect of Pune's persona related to traffic became clear, when I was able to articulate it in 2 words - "Serene Chaos". The entire roads are filled with chaos, in terms of vehicles in every conceivable direction and speeds, but that is the true nature of the traffic here, and is necessary for it to thrive. When you take a closer look at it, you realize that you rarely see an accident on the roads, in spite of the large number of "near accidents"; thus the adjective "Serene". 

The trick is simple. In order to be able to utilize the public transport to the fullest, you have to be as unpredictable as Pune's traffic. The last thing you want when having to move over a long distance across Pune (and its municipalities) is a plan. Just move along with the traffic in the desired direction and you would be amazed at how efficiently you can travel across the city. 

On my only instance requiring a large amount of intra-city travel, I decided to keep moving no matter what, and not wait  for specific buses/ autos, etc. To accomplish this, I had to hop on 10 different vehicles on a single day, ranging from Tum-Tums (as the shared six seaters are called here), shared autos, (non shared/ traditional) autos, bikes and buses. And what do you know, I was able to cover about 65 km in about 2.5 hrs! After that day, I have never been averse to use Pune's public transport.

When you move into a new place (it may be a new place to stay, new place to work, new place for anything), it is generally easy for one to find it difficult adjusting to it as it involves moving out of one's comfort zone. However, it is easier to overcome this difficulty. It is all about understanding the persona of the new place. Try it once - you will find  it much easier to adapt. After all, "To be a Roman when in Rome, you need to first know what a Roman is!"

A first for everything...

A wise man once said, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"... and with this little first step my journey into the world of blogs begins; and as the saying goes (probably by the same wise man),"The first step is the hardest of them all!" - and this indeed seems to be the hardest blog to write!

To explain my predicament, let me be a little more precise...

First I had to decide that I had to indeed get into the blogging world - Blogspot was a Google product (so I did not have to go through a separate registration process) and I had to start by coming up with a "pseud" name "Luminous Proclamations"... and let it be as luminous as it could be... It is over 11 months since my "start" and after reading numerous blogs, I am proud to say that today my first blog finally has a few words on it.

The hard part's over - I have started my own blog... right?? WRONG! Now that I have started, I am not sure what I have to write about. It is easy when you have certain thoughts in mind.. but I did not expect it to be so difficult when you decide to write it on the fly...Do I write about any first experience as a blogger?? Do I write about the Swine Flu paranoia in Pune? or Do I write about the "Serene chaos" of Pune traffic?

All in due time. Coming to think of it, there is so much to write about, and this looks like a good start. For now, this would suffice for the first blogging experience bit. Hopefully, the subsequent blogs would be richer in content and easier to pen.